Breaking Free

I have been truly self-convicted for some things in my life, and I guess as I get older, the more I notice when Satan is trying to lure me into another one of his easy-falling traps.  School is going very well.  I am excelling, but not for a lack of SERIOUS trying.  I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to school.  Nothing less than an A is good enough (especially when I am paying $3000 a semester for my own education).  And in order to get the A, studying is an absolute MUST.  I have been studying probably 75% of my time.  The other 25% has been either sitting in a class or eating.  This "time" doesn't include sleeping.  I get about 6 or 7 hours of that a night (otherwise I am quite unpleasant to be around).  So naturally things like spending time with family, talking to my husband who is traveling, and talking to God have fallen short on my "to do" list.  The funny thing is though, I have had this voice in my head saying that "God lead me down his path, so this is the way it is supposed to be".  And its not.

At bible study last night, we got on the topic of Satan using pathways, ideas, and mind-sets that God has placed in our lives and he twists then around to keep us further from God.  Therefore, taking away our gracious thankful attitude towards the blessings that God has given to us and turning it into angst and frustration.  I found myself after the first week of school skipping "big church" to go home and study, skipping bible study to stay home and study, and even sitting in church and going over the origins, insertions, innervations and functions of all of the muscles of the upper extremity.  Satan was really toying with my head making me think that my life must be consumed with the fact that A's are all that matter, family and loved ones will wait, and God put me here, so why should He care if I pay Him any attention while doing what He wants me to do?  But that's the thing.  I am a future physical therapist, but I am a child of God, a wife, a daughter, a sister, and a friend first.  All of these things shouldn't suffer just because I am in school.  I found my self missing out on really good bible study, fellowship, and even quality conversation time with Steven.

So after a minor melt down last night at bible study, I realized that I am actually spending TOO much time studying.  I know that is almost not possible when you are in a graduate program, but I have just got to force myself to give myself a break.  Take a night off and watch a movie, or when Steven calls, put everything down and just tell him how my day was and what I found in my dead guy that day.  And also, I need to spend more time with God everyday.  Without Him, I wouldn't even be in PT school in the first place.  So who am I to ignore Him when I get started with His next plan for my life?  It is a work in progress, but I know that I have the family and the friends and support system to get me through this.  I have been trying to do this all by myself, and that is just not how it is going to work.  And I am okay with that.  Stay Strong, Pray Hard and God Bless.

P.S.  First Anatomy written test and practical are OVER!  I am happy!

First Test Down!

I knew that the time would just fly by, and I kind of hoped that it would.  But with as much material as we are getting, I find myself wishing for more hours in the day so I can study a little bit longer but still get a decent nights sleep.  My past two Saturday nights have been spend with Sully in my lap, my dry erase board to my right and my Gross Anatomy notes to my left.  It doesn't bother me, but I do feel like a nerd.  Guess you gotta be to do well in PT school.

We had our first quiz on Thursday.  It went very well for me.  Trying to keep up a 4.0 for this first semester.  I hear the fall is going to be a doozy.  We officially get grades back tomorrow.  I think I checked over all of my answers about 5 times, and I felt so good turing it in.  But Friday in lab, Donna Lee said that the grades were "okay" and that the fill-in-the-blanks were "pretty good".  I guess I will know here definition of "okay" and "pretty good" tomorrow, but by her saying that, it got me questioning my answers.  And I hope I wasn't the person who put Long Thoracic Artery for the nerve that supplies the Serratus Anterior muscle.  That sounds like something I would do.  

Video chatting with Steven is about an every-other-day thing.  I try to keep up with my studies enough to where I can finish in time to talk to him and actually see his face before I go to bed every night.  If I ever met the person who thought up and actually followed through with the creation of video chat, I will give them a huge hug.  They have no idea how much of a difference it makes in a 7 week long distance marriage.  

The Troopers decided to have a little fun on the bus at the beginning of the week, and the new reports decided to give all of the loved ones at home a heart attack.  While traveling from Wyoming to Iowa on Sunday night, one of the buses (not Steven's) blew a front tire, ran off the road, and flipped a few times before stopping.  By the grace of God, everyone was okay, but it sure did throw me for a loop.  They made it to their stop for the evening, and all of the students on the bus were dismissed from the hospital in time to get a good night's sleep, but it was the fact that one of the buses had its first wreck in the 3 years Steven has been touring with drum corps.  Prayers that the traveling with continue on safely and that Steven comes home to me in one piece. 

Sunday School was great this morning, but there is something about going to a couples Sunday School class without your other half that makes me miss Steven a bit more.  So today has been a little rough.  But I am so glad I went.  I was being tempted to leave right after Sunday School to "study", but I stayed and I am so glad I did.  Worship this morning was amazing, and Brother Phil's sermon on Psalm 134 forced me to get out of my "I miss Steven" slump and celebrate God and his awesome works.  God definitely is SO good, and even though I am physically living alone (except for Sully), God is right by my side and is watching over me while I am here and watching over Steven while he is there over these 7 weeks.  Only 5 more though! Stay strong, pray hard, and God bless!

Troop-a-Loop

Where did the time go?  Just two weeks ago I was dreading Steven leaving to tour with the Troopers Drum and Bugle Corp and I was anxious about starting school.  And now, May 31st has come and gone, I have bawled my eyes out, and studied my first set of notes for Physical Therapy school.  We start dissection of the human body on Friday, and I couldn't be more excited to get this ball rolling... mainly because the sooner it starts rolling, the sooner Steven comes home.

The anticipation of Steven leaving for the summer is always the worst.  I pretty much could not be left alone this weekend.  I couldn't drive by myself, I couldn't eat by myself, well, I pretty much couldn't be in a room by myself.  I clung to Steven as if he was leaving for war.  I cried about every day twice a day from Thursday to Tuesday.  And I cried today because Sully heard a car horn, and thought it was Steven coming home.  I had to keep telling him, "that wasn't daddy's horn, Sully".  Miserable.  But I know that he is having a blast, and to be honest, after all the information we got today, I am going to need all the study time I can get.  And I can't wait to see the Trooper's show in Atlanta!

When I took Gross Anatomy at Mississippi College, Steven had the awesome opportunity to listen to my review sessions, watch me write and rewrite notes, and help me study.  Unfortunately, he isn't here for the first part of my Gross Anatomy and Intro to PT class, so I guess I will begin to use my blog as a review.  Nothing special, just interesting things that I learned in class or cool things that I saw or did during dissection lab.  I think i will be interesting to read back on in the future, and if Steven feels like reading it, he can resume his role as my accompaniment while studying.  Don't worry, I will definitely not deprive him of his listening to my fun school learnings when he returns.

Today was a lot of "here is what this class entails".  My Anatomy teacher, Dr. Andrews, is Canadian and  deaf, but is an amazing lip reader and is good a laughing at herself.  She does have a hearing aid and she is an amazing lip reader.  After going over the syllabus, Dr. Andrews started on our first anatomy lecture which pertained to anatomical postitions, movements, and relationships: anterior vs. posterior, superior vs. inferior, superficial vs. deep, distal vs. proximal, medial vs. lateral.  We also did anatomical movement terms like flexion, extension, supination, pronation, abduction and adduction.  It was fun. A good review.  I didn't leave there saying "I guess they expect us to know what all of this means".  We did definitely dive in though!

I am very grateful for my family and friends.  I got SO MANY text messages, phone calls, and facebook posts letting me know that I was not forgotten yesterday for two reasons: school and Steven.  I couldn't be more blessed.  And now that yesterday has come and gone, and Anatomy is back in my life, I am ready to face school head on, hopefully with a 4.0 waiting for me at the end.  So here's to school, family, friends, and Troop.  Staying strong,  God bless.